<sub>Breathe in for luck.
Breathe in so deep.
This air is blessed, you share with me.
This night is wild, so calm and dull.
These hearts, they race, from self-control.
Your legs are smooth, as they graze mine.
We're doing fine.
We're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me?
So I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelry.
Whichever you prefer.

The words are hushed, "let's not get busted."
Just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"Hey did you get some?"
Man that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close, they can't hear.
So we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me?
So I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelry.
Whichever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember.
Always remember the sound of the stereo.
The dim of the soft lights.
The scent of your hair, that you twirled in your fingers.
And the time on the clock, when we realized "It's so late!"
And this walk that we share together.
The streets were wet, and the gate was locked,
So I jumped it, and let you in.
And you stood at the door, with your hands on my waist.
And you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew...that you meant it.</sub>

~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~

So yeah, I thought a change was needed from that last journal *cough*. This songs been in my head all weekend, "hands down" by dashboard confessional, i dont care what you say, i like it.

So yeah, alot has happened and even more is happening. Things are pretty sweet right now though, big thanks to everyone for the last few months though, you're all champs. I learnt alot about alot of things in the last few months, but i guess thats life, and sometimes you have to learn shit the hard way.

Uni exams in two weeks, gunna be fun. I already know I'll be the person calming everybody down, science nerds tend to spaz out occassionally. All in good fun of course....getting them all high on V drinks is hilarity in several forms.

Also, emma, who thought she could escape us all, will be visiting Aus between the 22nd of june till the 1st, which means she missed the scavmeet, so anyone who knows her, or people who dont but know you should, at some stage there will be a devmeet to welcome her back. be there, biatches.

In other, and most important news...

The wonderful and tallented ~MrNudge is turning 20 tomorrow. That means technicaly he's no longer a boy... but I'm still going to refer to him as my boyfriend....manfriend sounds kinda kinky/sleazy. Anyway, everyone go wish him an unbelievebly awesome birthday, we all know people like him arn't found very often (if ever), so he needs to know he's awesome. I'm the luckiest person alive to be able to call him mine, and I'd argue that till the game you all just lost has been found. Martin, big thankyou for everything you've ever done for me, I hope you have an amazing day, Im so glad I get to spend it with you. I love you most. muchlessthanthree

Everyone else, thanks for being awesome in your own ways. You're all amazing people.

I've had such a fucked up month.
I've broken down more times then I can count, I've cried more than I think I ever have, I've completely lost my appetite yet feel like throwing up, my skin feels numb and I've hurt the person I love the most. I feel like I've lost my mind, I'm all over the place and at the same time stuck in a space I can't escape. I can't breath, I cant sleep and yet Im so tired I cant think straight. I feel the constant need to be with the one I love, yet when I see him my insides go numb and I get so nervous and Im terrified I'll lose him. I know what I want and yet I'm doubting myself. I'm craving pain yet fighting the urdge and dying for the moment when I'll wake up and everything will be alright again. Im staying as close to my family as possible and yet still feel so alone. I'm hoping no one reads this, yet at the same time I hope the right person does so they can tell me what I want to hear, and I'll be sane again. I've doubled my fucking medication. I've become the person I never wanted to be to the point where I feel like a stranger to myself. And then I'm fine. And then I go through it all again. I havn't been here in years. I hope someone understands.

I got my Yr12 results yesterday morning. I was shaking for about 5 minutes afterwards. I'm a happy little bugs. Alot of people I should thank, one teacher I should smirk at.

Ah well, I'm alive, I survived. I can't complain.

Merry christmas, happy new year, happy australia day, merry easter, cheery labour day, happy queens birthday, happy unbirthday, happy halloween, happy hanuka and a very merry quansa to all.

I got's me another pay rise...this time it's twice as much as my last pay rise..


I now work for $13.00 an hour



Yeah..i get an extra $2 an hour

Ok, I'm usually not good at writing journals and such, so I try to keep them to a minimum, but for once I have some stuff I'd like to say, so yeah, here goes....

I just finished the last of my twelve yr12 exams today. As of now I am officially finished with school untill my results come back on the 4th of January. I'm sure most people who read this will know what I mean when I say it's such a massive relief. There were times earlier this year where I didn't feel like I had it in me to finish. Alot happened this year that I couldn't have imagined, good and bad things, and some things that just got seriously blown into something they didn't need to be. I'd elaborate but I see no reason to dwell in the past anymore, so moving on..there are some serious thanks to be given to people, so here they are in no particular order:

Trav - for an honesty and kindness I've never known before, and for caring no matter how stupid or insignificant the issue.

Max - for being the voice of reason and reassurance in my moments of paranoia, and for continuing to reassure even when you felt unappreicated.

Emma - for sparking some major changes in my life and being smarter than anyone twice your age. I miss you greatly

Fee - for always being a friendly face to talk to and for having the courage to do what I never could.

Maree and Angus - for many great laughs and unquestionable acceptance.

Jack - for constant understanding and acceptance no matter how I was acting, for not abandoning me when everyone else assumed I was in the wrong, and for giving me more chances than I ever deserve.

And last but never the least, Martin - for unexpectantly turning up at the times when I needed you the most, for always making me feel wanted, for always saying the right things and never letting me feel down for long, unquestionable acceptance of even my most insane states, for a generousity greater than any other and for basically being the person I never knew exsisted. This has been the most amazing 11 months of my life and I owe it to you. I love you more than anything <3

For anyone I havn't mentioned specifically, particularly the many I've had the pleasure of meeting though devmeets, I owe you all many thanks as well and appriciate all of you. You all rock!

Finally, I turned 18 last Saturday, and now that exams are over there is going to be some serious celebrating, starting with tomorrow night. As of now I am inviting anyone who wants to come along, I have absolutely no idea whats going to happen, but I guarentee it will be awesome and I'd really love to see every one. For more information note me and I'll let you know whats happening.

Love to you all, Tanji xox