I've had such a fucked up month.
I've broken down more times then I can count, I've cried more than I think I ever have, I've completely lost my appetite yet feel like throwing up, my skin feels numb and I've hurt the person I love the most. I feel like I've lost my mind, I'm all over the place and at the same time stuck in a space I can't escape. I can't breath, I cant sleep and yet Im so tired I cant think straight. I feel the constant need to be with the one I love, yet when I see him my insides go numb and I get so nervous and Im terrified I'll lose him. I know what I want and yet I'm doubting myself. I'm craving pain yet fighting the urdge and dying for the moment when I'll wake up and everything will be alright again. Im staying as close to my family as possible and yet still feel so alone. I'm hoping no one reads this, yet at the same time I hope the right person does so they can tell me what I want to hear, and I'll be sane again. I've doubled my fucking medication. I've become the person I never wanted to be to the point where I feel like a stranger to myself. And then I'm fine. And then I go through it all again. I havn't been here in years. I hope someone understands.